The Dachshund-based Workout That’s Better Than a Gym Membership

Having a Dachshund is like having your own paw-powered obstacle course!

Dachshunds are natural workout buddies

Sure, cats like to weave in and out of your legs, but they have the good sense (and agility) to get out of the way before disaster strikes. Dachshunds, on the other hand, have a different philosophy: why avoid chaos when you can actively create it? With their boundless enthusiasm and desire to glue themselves to your feet, these little wiener-shaped personal trainers transform even simple tasks—like walking to the fridge—into a full-body workout.

Rather than fighting it, why not embrace the chaos? With a dachshund in your life, you already have the perfect exercise partner. Here are five “Doxercises” that every dachshund enthusiast knows all too well:

1. The Obstacle Course

Targets: Reflexes, Agility, Patience

Exercise: Simply try to walk anywhere in your home. Your dachshund will instantly take on the role of an unpredictable moving hurdle—darting ahead, stopping suddenly, hopping to the side, cutting behind you, and most importantly, zooming between your legs. Your job? To twist, turn, sidestep, and contort yourself in ways you never thought possible in order to avoid a full-on wipeout. Bonus points if you can do it while carrying a hot beverage.

2. The Stair Master

Targets: Legs, Balance, Sheer Determination

Exercise: Think you’ve mastered climbing stairs? Try it with a dachshund. As you ascend, your furry companion will leap ahead, perfectly timing each jump to land precisely where your foot was about to go. Your challenge is to navigate around your enthusiastic stair blocker without tumbling backward. Extra credit if you’re also holding groceries.

3. The Sit-Down, Jump-Up

Targets: Lower body strength, reaction speed

Exercise: All you have to do is sit on the couch. Simple, right? Wrong. The moment you begin your descent, your dachshund will teleport to the exact spot you intended to to park your tush. Just as you feel warm fur brush against your behind, you have to execute an emergency squat-thrust to avoid sitting directly on your dog. Repeat this move 10-15 times throughout the day for optimal results (just note you will need to sit down at some point, and your dachshund will be waiting).

4. Wind Sprints

Targets: Cardio, Explosive Speed, Regret

Exercise: For this one, all you have to do is let your dachshund off-leash in a park, on a busy sidewalk, or any other area with plenty of escape routes. As your dog takes off at top speed, your mission is to sprint after them, dodging obstacles and lunging, desperately to scoop them up before they disappear into the sunset. Dachshunds may have short legs, but their best speed rivals that of Olympic sprinters. This exercise is best done with comfortable shoes and a strong sense of humor.

5. The Stop, Drop, and Roll

Targets: Tumbling Skills, Spatial Awareness, Humility

Exercise: For the advanced Doxercise enthusiast, this move requires you to carry a large object that blocks your view of your feet—a laundry basket, a big box, or perhaps a precariously balanced stack of dishes. Now, attempt to walk forward at least 30 feet. As expected, your dachshund will be weaving in and out of your legs, expertly positioning themselves for maximum tripping potential. Your challenge? To stumble as gracefully as possible, avoiding injury to yourself, your dog, and whatever you were carrying. Bonus points if you make it through without breaking anything (including your dignity).

Level Up: Multi-Doxie Training

Once you’ve mastered these five fundamental Doxercises, you can increase the difficulty by adding more dachshunds or heavier objects. Just remember, it doesn’t count as exercise if you don’t survive!

So, who needs a gym membership when you have a dachshund? Have your own version of a Doxercise? Share it in the comments below and let’s celebrate the chaotic fitness regimen that comes with loving these hilarious, stubborn, and lovable little dogs!