50 Ways you can tell you’re in a Dachshund home


1. Every purse and coat pocket is rifled when you walk through the
2. The bed has sausage shaped lumps under the covers.
3. The doggie door is only 8″ high.
4. You’re face gets licked by a dog standing on the back of the couch.
5. When you come into the house after being away only minutes and you
are greeted like you’ve been gone for 10 years.
6. When someone hands you a tennis ball as soon as you walk in the
7. When the owners introduce their Dachshund as their oldest son.
8. Footstools are placed strategically around the furniture and bed.
9. The house is decorated with Dachshund items.
10. The owner is decorated with Dachshund items.
11. Gates are placed in each doorway.
12. After the doorbell rings, you can’t hear a thing for 10 minutes.
13. The alarm clock is set for HIS wake up time.
14. Dachshund “nose art” is proudly displayed on each window.
15. There are at least 45 balls laying around the house.
16. All socks, underwear, and shoes have holes in them.
17. The sign outside the house says, “Dachshund Lovers Parking Only.”
18. You have to look before you take a step.
19. All squeak toys no longer have squeaking ability.
20. The doors to many rooms must remain closed.
21. The owner’s bed never remains made.
22. Rugs and furniture are all dark colors.
23. The cat litter box magically cleans itself.
24. You will find dogs instead of clothes in the laundry basket.
25. When you arrive, you find the living room covered with chewed up
toilet paper rolls, Kleenex, etc…
26. All snow is shoveled from the yard to protect the “Ta-Ta’s” of
male Dachshunds.
27. You notice small fox holes in the yard.
28. You are kindly told not to eat the green beans and carrots because
they are for the dogs.
29. Toy boxes are bone shaped.
30. All waste baskets and trash cans are elevated at least 3 ft. from
the ground.
31. There is a Bissell Green Machine always within reach.
32. A cupboard is full of tiny clothes that were purchased before the
owner realized that Dachshunds would rather remain nudists.
33. Company doesn’t come around much anymore.
34. The owner talks a lot about getting a super king-sized bed.
35. The living room looks like it’s covered with snow due to the
batting which came out of de-stuffed toys.
36. Blankets cover each piece of furniture for better burrowing
37. The owner has no food yet his Dachshund has plenty of premium dog
38. The mailman is warned, “Watch out or he’ll bite a hole in your
39. The mailman passes a brightly colored card to other mailmen
saying, “A dangerous animal lives inside. Do not use mail slot.”
40. Bricks are placed inside trash cans.
41. The Dachshund gets kisses before the owner’s significant other.
42. The owner runs around looking for a “sitter” if they’re going to
be gone for more than a few hours.
43. It is too dangerous to walk around the house without shoes because
of partly chewed up Nyla-Bones.
44. Little blue pee-pads are placed by the back door.
45. You notice that the Dachshunds receive more Christmas presents
than human kids.
46. All the owner’s computer “favorites” are Dachshund related.
47. The grass is mowed very very very short.
48. There is always plenty of toilet paper to pick up poops.
49. The owner’s bed is covered with no less than 4 gutted toys, 3
balls, and 2 nyla- bones.
50. You are immediately told not to sit in the dog’s chair.


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About the Author: Terri Osterfeld

I'm a certifiable dachshund fanatic and lover of anything that involves doxies. I have four -- Rommel, Franzi, Montgomery and Hank -- plus two German Shepherds, Noet and Sunna, who think they're dachshunds.
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